Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Miracles DO happen..
And so after I hit bottom I kind of gave up.. I decided that we obviously couldn't afford the testing and I couldn't get pregnant because the baby would just die.... So I resigned myself to the fact that we were going to just be a family of 6... I told God if He wanted us to have a baby then He would have to do it or I needed to hear a voice saying, "It's time!" And then I went on with my living.. A few months later I was late... My blood ran cold and I panicked.. I remember crying out to God, "please just let me start cuz I can't go through a loss again"... Well time went by and still no period.. I obsessed about it, ate, breathed, and slept baby.. This time I did feel pregnant tho and would comfort myself with that, but still I was a nervous wreck.. I told Tim I wanted to go into a coma for 6 weeks so I would either be past my danger zone or would have lost baby and could move on.. Time crept by, 7, 8, 9, 10 weeks!! Still pregnant.. 11, 12, 13, 14 weeks.. We told the kids, they were beyond excited! 15 and 16 weeks.. we told the world, and they were excited! I saw baby at 16 weeks and was ecstatic, I drove home that day praising God.. If I wasn't driving I probably would have danced down the street.. I knew how King David felt when the ark of the covenant was brought back to Jerusalem in 2 Samuel chapter 6. I was beyond amazed and in awe that God would bless me with a baby even when I was so angry with Him. I felt so loved by Him!... During my pregnancy I went through times of sheer terror and times of complete trust. It was definitely a huge spectrum of emotions I endured. I wanted time to hurry up so I could hold baby and my body couldn't hurt him/her... It was a growing time for me and not just my body! :)... I finally really believed Matthew 19:26 when it says "with God all things are possible" I had always known that in my head, but didn't truly think God would work a miracle in my life.. Tune in next time to hear... the birth story of our little miracle!